Google is a lot like that boyfriend/ girlfriend you had in college that drove you nuts, stole all your CDs, but you kept going back to again and again. We’re all in a dysfunctional relationship with Google that is a roller coaster ride of emotions as we try to understand the elusive company we can’t live without, yet keeps changing the rules.
We Love you Google!
When you need to know something, what do you do? You Google it. We can’t help it. It’s almost an unconscious decision, and we do it for everything. Can’t remember your third grade teacher’s name? Look for it on Google. Want to know what movies Ryan Gosling takes his shirt off in? (Answer – All of them). You look it up on Google.
We love Google, and we depend on Google to take care of us when we need it. When we’re sick, we type in our symptoms and Google tells us what wrong (Scandinavian Rat Monkey Syndrome with a side of Ebola).
Sure, the relationship seems great, but deep in your heart you know something is wrong.
It Keeps Secrets from You
There are red flags when your significant other keeps secrets from you. It’s like when you hear them get a text, and they angle the phone so you can’t see it. Google loves to keep secrets and even flaunts it. They’ll tell you just enough to keep you hanging on, but never the full story.
“What’s in your algorithm?”
“You can’t have nothing in the algorithm.”
“Fine. Keywords, backlinks and a little sprinkle of fairy dust.”
“It’s more than that.”
“Why should I tell you, I’ll just change it anyway?”
It’s frustrating right. This wonderful company that opens up a world of knowledge to you every day refuses to share their deepest insights. Come on Google! Break down those emotional walls and let me in.
It’s Nosy and Possessive
We’ve all had that one boyfriend or girlfriend that wouldn’t stop texting or calling you just to keep tabs on you. “Who are you with?” “What are you doing?” They rummage through your medicine cabinet and underwear drawer just to snoop.
Google knows everything about you. It tracks what websites you go to, what items you’re buying and where you’re at. It knows the people and places you interact with every day.
“What do you think you’re going on Yahoo Search? You cheating on me with that trash!”
“No, I swear it was an accident. It just happened to be the default for the browser.”
“Oh heck no! You did not just say that!”
When the night ends and you’re at your computer or phone and Google is staring back at you, things don’t seem that bad. Your rankings are stable. You don’t really mind that it knows everything you do. What can I say, it had us at “I’m Feeling Lucky.”